1 00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:05,361 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:10,610 --> 00:00:13,346 (no voice) 3 00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:18,885 ♪ I bet we've been together for a million years ♪ 4 00:00:18,885 --> 00:00:24,557 ♪ And I bet we'll be together for a million more ♪ 5 00:00:24,557 --> 00:00:27,093 ♪ Oh, it's like I started breathing ♪ 6 00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:29,896 ♪ On the night we kissed ♪ 7 00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:35,135 ♪ And I can't remember what I ever did before ♪ 8 00:00:35,135 --> 00:00:40,874 ♪ What would we do, baby, without us? ♪ 9 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:46,146 ♪ What would we do, baby, without us? ♪ 10 00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:52,385 ♪ And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through ♪ 11 00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:57,590 ♪ What would we do, baby, without us? ♪ 12 00:00:57,700 --> 00:01:03,900 Ripped By mstoll 13 00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:05,632 Oh, I love it. 14 00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:07,467 This is going to be great. 15 00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:09,992 Okay, you can let it down now. 16 00:01:12,839 --> 00:01:17,243 Are you sure every brother does this for his sister? 17 00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:18,645 Absolutely. 18 00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:20,447 Did Alex do it for you? 19 00:01:20,447 --> 00:01:23,983 He wanted to, but he just wasn't right for it. 20 00:01:23,983 --> 00:01:25,151 How come? 21 00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:26,519 Well... 22 00:01:26,519 --> 00:01:29,147 Alex has a weird body. 23 00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:35,495 It's like his head is too big for the rest of him. 24 00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:38,665 Maybe the rest of him is just too small. 25 00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:41,267 That's probably it. 26 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:44,804 Ah, what the heck is this? 27 00:01:44,804 --> 00:01:46,306 Calm down, Alex. 28 00:01:46,306 --> 00:01:48,341 Andy's just helping me hem a skirt. It's no big deal. 29 00:01:48,341 --> 00:01:51,211 No big deal? Mal, he is a healthy, happy six-year-old boy. 30 00:01:51,211 --> 00:01:54,681 He should not be standing on a counter in-in a dress. 31 00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:56,249 Especially not this dress. 32 00:01:56,249 --> 00:01:58,318 The color's all wrong for him. 33 00:01:58,318 --> 00:02:00,820 You wish you could be standing up here, Alex, 34 00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:03,653 but you can't because your body's weird. 35 00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:07,494 (quietly): What? 36 00:02:07,494 --> 00:02:09,896 Andy, honey, why don't you go outside and play? 37 00:02:09,896 --> 00:02:11,865 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. 38 00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:14,667 What-what do... what do you mean, my body is weird? 39 00:02:14,667 --> 00:02:17,971 You got a big head... ask Mallory. 40 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:20,006 Did you tell him that? 41 00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:21,574 Alex, leave me alone. 42 00:02:21,574 --> 00:02:25,411 She said that the rest of your body is too small. 43 00:02:25,411 --> 00:02:28,648 You said that. 44 00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:31,651 I have got a perfect body, okay? 45 00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:34,320 And you cannot beat my head. 46 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,990 They make a phenomenal set. 47 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,058 Fine, Alex, whatever you say. 48 00:02:39,058 --> 00:02:40,894 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait... 49 00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:42,328 Is there something wrong with my head? 50 00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:44,489 I mean, tell me, because I would like to know. 51 00:02:45,865 --> 00:02:47,066 Alex, it's no big deal. 52 00:02:47,066 --> 00:02:48,268 You've just got the little... 53 00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:51,897 Elmer Fudd thing working for you, that's all. 54 00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:55,341 Elmer Fudd? 55 00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:57,577 I'm getting out of here. 56 00:02:57,577 --> 00:02:59,579 Wait, Elmer Fudd... what does Elmer Fudd... 57 00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:01,581 He asked me whether or not you had done this... 58 00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:02,582 Hi, guys. 59 00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:04,484 Jen, what's the matter with you? 60 00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:05,485 You look miserable. 61 00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:06,519 You really do. 62 00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,121 Jen, you look awful. 63 00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:10,623 But before we discuss that, let me ask you something. 64 00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:12,892 Is there something wrong with my head? 65 00:03:12,892 --> 00:03:14,794 Does Easter Island mean anything to you? 66 00:03:14,794 --> 00:03:16,262 (groans) 67 00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:18,398 What's the matter, Jen? What's wrong? 68 00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:20,833 This might be the worst day of my school career. 69 00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:22,468 Why? What happened? 70 00:03:22,468 --> 00:03:24,637 I had to do a book report for my English class. 71 00:03:24,637 --> 00:03:28,241 (gasps) Jen, I'm so sorry. 72 00:03:28,241 --> 00:03:30,810 No, the problem is I wanted to do my report 73 00:03:30,810 --> 00:03:32,145 on Huckleberry Finn. 74 00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:33,179 You're in luck, Jen. 75 00:03:33,179 --> 00:03:34,914 I did a paper on that. 76 00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:37,314 No, Mal, that was Huckleberry Hound. 77 00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:41,848 - Oh, that's right, right. - See? 78 00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,992 I found out in school today that Huckleberry Finn 79 00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:48,294 is not on the school's accepted reading list. 80 00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:49,629 It's banned. 81 00:03:49,629 --> 00:03:50,663 Banned? 82 00:03:50,663 --> 00:03:51,864 What... come on, that's absurd. 83 00:03:51,864 --> 00:03:53,433 Wh-When did this happen? 84 00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:56,502 Well, it's a new policy... it just went into effect. 85 00:03:56,502 --> 00:03:59,739 Well, I wish they banned books when I was in high school. 86 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:02,709 They start everything good after I leave. 87 00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:04,944 How... how can they ban Huckleberry Finn? 88 00:04:04,944 --> 00:04:07,080 I mean, every kid reads Huck Finn. 89 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,581 It's the great American novel. 90 00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:11,484 It symbolizes the unrest and ferment of the country 91 00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:13,753 as the... as the Western Frontier was coming to a close 92 00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:16,055 and we as a nation were forced to confront the issues 93 00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:19,092 of... of racism, slavery and industrialism. 94 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:22,695 Oh, maybe I didn't read it. 95 00:04:22,695 --> 00:04:24,030 Who decided this? 96 00:04:24,030 --> 00:04:25,365 The Leland Heights School Board. 97 00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,100 They gave me this letter to take home 98 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,035 and a packet of information about it. 99 00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:32,338 Oh, Jen, if you're lucky, they'll ban this packet, too. 100 00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:34,107 Looks pretty deadly. 101 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,141 - Hi, guys. - Hey! 102 00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:36,542 Mom, Dad, I'm glad you're here. 103 00:04:36,542 --> 00:04:38,311 I've got something to tell you, and I don't think 104 00:04:38,311 --> 00:04:39,412 you're going to like it. 105 00:04:39,412 --> 00:04:41,714 The greeting all parents yearn for. 106 00:04:41,714 --> 00:04:43,016 Should we sit down? 107 00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:44,584 It's something that happened at school today. 108 00:04:44,584 --> 00:04:46,185 Jen, listen, break it to them easy, okay? 109 00:04:46,185 --> 00:04:48,054 Just remember, they're liberals. 110 00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:51,080 They could spontaneously combust. 111 00:04:52,725 --> 00:04:54,093 Alex is right. 112 00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:56,195 I know how upset you guys get about these things. 113 00:04:56,195 --> 00:04:57,630 Well, what is it, honey? 114 00:04:57,630 --> 00:05:00,767 I wanted to do a book report on Huckleberry Finn. 115 00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:02,735 All right. 116 00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:06,034 But don't let it happen again. 117 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,809 I can't. Huckleberry Finn is banned. 118 00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:11,077 Banned? 119 00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:12,745 That's ridic... what are you talking about? 120 00:05:12,745 --> 00:05:14,414 Okay, okay, just take it easy. 121 00:05:14,414 --> 00:05:17,517 Don't stage a sit-in or anything. 122 00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,552 I knew the school board's been talking about this, 123 00:05:19,552 --> 00:05:21,421 but I never dreamed they'd dare to do it. 124 00:05:21,421 --> 00:05:22,588 This is amazing. 125 00:05:22,588 --> 00:05:24,590 If we lived two miles down the road 126 00:05:24,590 --> 00:05:27,560 in the Columbus School District, this wouldn't be a problem. 127 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,653 We'd be closer to the mall, too. 128 00:05:31,731 --> 00:05:33,333 Was there any discussion about this at school? 129 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,834 Or is everyone just going to stand there 130 00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:35,968 and allow this to happen? 131 00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:37,337 Wh-What about your English teacher? 132 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,839 Well, Mr. Flaherty is just as upset about this as I am, 133 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:42,108 but he said there's nothing that can be done about it. 134 00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:44,610 Uh, no, there's no way we are going to let this happen. 135 00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:46,879 This is completely wrong. 136 00:05:46,879 --> 00:05:48,915 I totally agree with you, Dad... we've got to fight this. 137 00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:51,184 Oh, absolutely, this is a disgrace to the community, 138 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,584 to the state, to the country. 139 00:05:55,755 --> 00:05:57,950 Do I have a big head? 140 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,629 "I hadn't had a bite to eat since yesterday, 141 00:06:03,629 --> 00:06:07,533 "so Jim, he got out some corn dodgers and buttermilk, 142 00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:10,436 "and pork and cabbage and greens. 143 00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:12,338 "There ain't nothing in the world so good 144 00:06:12,338 --> 00:06:14,073 "when it's cooked right. 145 00:06:14,073 --> 00:06:17,677 "And whilst I eat my supper, we talked and had a good time. 146 00:06:17,677 --> 00:06:20,179 "I was powerful glad to get away from the feuds, 147 00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:23,349 "and so was Jim to get away from the swamp. 148 00:06:23,349 --> 00:06:28,087 We said, 'There warn't no home like a raft, after all." 149 00:06:28,087 --> 00:06:29,622 Hmm. 150 00:06:29,622 --> 00:06:31,224 With those stockings? 151 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,659 I'm going to die. 152 00:06:33,659 --> 00:06:35,728 Mallory, please, your dad's reading from a great piece 153 00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:36,929 of American literature. 154 00:06:36,929 --> 00:06:39,599 Oh, I know, I know. I-I'm listening. 155 00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:43,970 Um... they're on a cruise, right? 156 00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:45,338 Not exactly a cruise. 157 00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:46,839 They're on a raft, floating down the Mississippi. 158 00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:49,976 It's a... yeah, it's a great story. 159 00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:51,778 I'll be right with you. 160 00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:55,815 I'm sorry, my family keeps interrupting. Go on. 161 00:06:55,815 --> 00:06:58,651 You know, I used to love that book when I was a kid. 162 00:06:58,651 --> 00:07:00,486 I, uh... I'd always imagine myself 163 00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:01,854 in Huck's place, you know? 164 00:07:01,854 --> 00:07:05,625 Lying out there in the river at night, free as can be. 165 00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:09,228 Only, uh, well, mine... mine wasn't a raft. 166 00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:12,365 It was a cabin cruiser. 167 00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:16,335 Complete wet bar, satellite dish. 168 00:07:16,335 --> 00:07:18,803 Hot tub. 169 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:24,410 I don't know... I still like Twain's version. 170 00:07:24,410 --> 00:07:27,246 To each his own, Pop. 171 00:07:27,246 --> 00:07:28,648 All right, I'm off the phone. 172 00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:30,082 I'm ready to talk about the book. 173 00:07:30,082 --> 00:07:31,117 (phone rings) 174 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:33,152 That's probably for me. 175 00:07:33,152 --> 00:07:34,887 Hello? Hi. 176 00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:37,023 I can't believe the Leland Heights Board of Education 177 00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:38,958 finds all these books unacceptable. 178 00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:41,461 Here, uh... Catcher in the Rye, Grapes of Wrath, 179 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,062 Slaughterhouse-Five? 180 00:07:43,062 --> 00:07:44,230 That's preposterous. 181 00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:46,199 I mean, what books can you read? 182 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:48,100 Well, we're down to Babar Goes to Holland 183 00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:51,237 and The Yogi Berra Story. 184 00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:52,405 Well, this is infuriating. 185 00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:54,106 Every one of these books is a classic. 186 00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:55,775 I mean, how can they justify that? 187 00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:58,611 Well, the argument is that the books contain explicit language 188 00:07:58,611 --> 00:08:00,680 or, uh... or offensive imagery 189 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,216 that's unacceptable for pre-college students. 190 00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:07,920 The irony is that in Isl and Tree School District v. Pico, 191 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:11,891 Justice Brennan said, "No local school board shall remove books 192 00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:13,726 "from school library shelves simply because 193 00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:16,362 "they dislike the ideas contained in those books, 194 00:08:16,362 --> 00:08:19,665 "nor by their removal seek to prescribe what shall be orthodox 195 00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:21,601 "in politics, nationalism, religion 196 00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:23,398 and other matters of opinion." 197 00:08:28,908 --> 00:08:30,343 How did you know that? 198 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,334 I know everything. 199 00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:36,516 Alex, I've got to admit, 200 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:39,452 I'm surprised you're on our side in this issue. 201 00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:40,820 To think that book banning 202 00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,356 is actually bringing us closer together. 203 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,525 (laughs) Well, Dad, I-I... 204 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,193 I do enjoy keeping you on your toes. 205 00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,095 But, uh, basically, I agree 206 00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:51,264 with John Stuart Mill's philosophy 207 00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:53,633 that a free flow of ideas and-and information 208 00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:55,468 is essential to keeping alive the spirit 209 00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:57,737 of a... of a libertarian and utilitarian vision 210 00:08:57,737 --> 00:08:59,338 flourishing against the oppressive weight 211 00:08:59,338 --> 00:09:01,363 of ignorance and totalitarianism. 212 00:09:08,414 --> 00:09:12,051 Did you swallow a dictionary recently? 213 00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:14,520 I'm just saying that regardless of the contents of a book, 214 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:16,422 I believe that we have to preserve the rights 215 00:09:16,422 --> 00:09:18,257 of freedom of thought and freedom of speech 216 00:09:18,257 --> 00:09:20,393 for every American citizen. 217 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:23,796 A straight lettuce diet? That's wild. 218 00:09:23,796 --> 00:09:27,600 With certain obvious exceptions. 219 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,769 I think the books on this list are just the kind of things 220 00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:31,203 high school students should be reading. 221 00:09:31,203 --> 00:09:32,738 I mean, they're provocative, they're insightful, 222 00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:34,040 they make you think. 223 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,641 I mean, what's wrong with that? 224 00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:39,145 The problem the school board has with the book 225 00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:40,947 is that Huck's best friend 226 00:09:40,947 --> 00:09:43,683 is sometimes referred to as N***** Jim. 227 00:09:43,683 --> 00:09:45,551 Now, look, that's definitely offensive, 228 00:09:45,551 --> 00:09:47,219 but it shouldn't be taken out of context. 229 00:09:47,219 --> 00:09:49,188 At the time Twain wrote the book, it was, 230 00:09:49,188 --> 00:09:51,290 uh, common usage in Missouri. 231 00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:53,225 The whole point of the story is how Huck learns 232 00:09:53,225 --> 00:09:54,927 that a man's color is not important 233 00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:57,296 and that everyone deserved to be free. 234 00:09:57,296 --> 00:09:59,298 Jim is the most noble character in the book. 235 00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:01,767 There are also objections on religious grounds. 236 00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:05,104 Apparently the school board dislikes the fact that Huck says 237 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:07,873 he would rather go to hell than turn Jim back into slavery. 238 00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:10,509 That he, in fact, rejects God. 239 00:10:10,509 --> 00:10:15,114 Okay, I'm off the phone. I'm all yours. 240 00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:17,650 Great. 241 00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:20,720 Now we get to the bottom of this. 242 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,154 Well, what about the other kids, Jen? 243 00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:24,190 Or are you the only one who wants to read 244 00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:25,558 a book that's on this list? 245 00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:27,393 Well, I don't want to do my report on this book 246 00:10:27,393 --> 00:10:28,694 because the book is banned. 247 00:10:28,694 --> 00:10:30,830 I happen to love that book. 248 00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:32,298 Jennifer, 249 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:35,368 this book is over 300 pages long, 250 00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:38,270 not including pictures. 251 00:10:38,270 --> 00:10:41,707 I think it's a blessing in disguise. 252 00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:44,010 Jen, look, if you want to do your book report on Huck Finn, 253 00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:45,444 then you should do it on Huck Finn, 254 00:10:45,444 --> 00:10:47,546 and the rest of us will support you on that, right? 255 00:10:47,546 --> 00:10:49,281 - Yeah, absolutely. - Definitely. - Okay. 256 00:10:49,281 --> 00:10:51,017 But it's got to be your decision. 257 00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:53,352 You know, I never thought reading a book 258 00:10:53,352 --> 00:10:55,988 would be something I'd have to fight for. 259 00:10:55,988 --> 00:11:00,259 You know, uh, Jen, I once had a brush with censorship myself. 260 00:11:00,259 --> 00:11:02,662 Remember, uh, Elyse, back in Berkeley? 261 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,398 Huh, 1963? 262 00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:07,433 I wrote an article for the Berkeley Gazette. 263 00:11:07,433 --> 00:11:10,469 "Fluctuating Electoral Demographics 264 00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:13,539 in the 1962 Congressional Race." 265 00:11:13,539 --> 00:11:15,341 It was censored? 266 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:16,709 Oh, yes. 267 00:11:16,709 --> 00:11:17,843 On what basis? 268 00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:20,437 Oh, well, it was incredibly boring. 269 00:11:22,081 --> 00:11:23,983 Well, I mean, "boring" in the best, 270 00:11:23,983 --> 00:11:26,619 most interesting sense of the word. 271 00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:28,821 Thank you, dear... that's exactly what you said 272 00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:31,390 on your review at the time. 273 00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:33,092 This is a book report I want to do, 274 00:11:33,092 --> 00:11:35,528 and it doesn't seem right that I should be stopped from doing it. 275 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,129 No, it doesn't. 276 00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:39,699 Anyway, I don't want to read The Yogi Berra Story. 277 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,100 And you shouldn't have to. 278 00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:44,270 Freedom of speech is guaranteed in the Constitution, 279 00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:46,972 and-and basically, they're throwing out the Bill of Rights. 280 00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:48,307 All right. 281 00:11:48,307 --> 00:11:50,176 If we don't take a stand, who will? 282 00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:51,644 I mean, where will this all end? 283 00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:53,245 STEVEN and ELYSE: All right. 284 00:11:53,245 --> 00:11:54,914 So, basically, you're going to read the book, 285 00:11:54,914 --> 00:11:56,449 do the book report, 286 00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:58,350 risk possible failure in English, 287 00:11:58,350 --> 00:11:59,952 jeopardize your chances of getting 288 00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:03,055 into any college other than Grant, and, uh, 289 00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:05,580 become a social outcast in your own community. 290 00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:09,628 I guess so. 291 00:12:09,628 --> 00:12:11,619 That's our girl! 292 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:18,604 When he was 19, Yogi batted.315, had 103 RBls 293 00:12:18,604 --> 00:12:20,406 and was elected to the all-star team. 294 00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:23,542 It was also during this season that Yogi told his teammates 295 00:12:23,542 --> 00:12:25,511 that he would one day become spokesman 296 00:12:25,511 --> 00:12:27,079 for a wonderfully thirst-quenching 297 00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:29,148 chocolate-flavored drink called Yoo-hoo. 298 00:12:29,148 --> 00:12:31,383 The rest is beverage history. 299 00:12:31,383 --> 00:12:32,407 (class applauds) 300 00:12:34,386 --> 00:12:36,522 Well, very nice, Jill. 301 00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:40,593 I think we all feel a little closer to Yogi. 302 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,862 But I think I'd like you to try something 303 00:12:42,862 --> 00:12:45,030 a little more challenging next time. 304 00:12:45,030 --> 00:12:46,532 Like what? 305 00:12:46,532 --> 00:12:48,367 Well, it's just that your past reports 306 00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:49,802 seem to indicate a certain pattern. 307 00:12:49,802 --> 00:12:52,037 I mean, we've had The Joe Namath Story, 308 00:12:52,037 --> 00:12:55,307 The Johnny Bench Story, The Magic Johnson Story. 309 00:12:55,307 --> 00:12:57,143 You should branch out a little. 310 00:12:57,143 --> 00:12:59,945 Well, I haven't done anything on hockey. 311 00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:01,936 Sit down, Jill. 312 00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:05,818 Jennifer. You ready? 313 00:13:05,818 --> 00:13:07,581 I think so. 314 00:13:12,992 --> 00:13:15,594 "You don't know about me without you have read the book 315 00:13:15,594 --> 00:13:17,563 "by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, 316 00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:19,799 but that ain't no matter." 317 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:23,169 So began Twain's American classic, Huckleberry Finn. 318 00:13:23,169 --> 00:13:26,005 Jennifer, can I speak to you for a minute? 319 00:13:26,005 --> 00:13:28,200 Uh, Martin, perhaps you could begin your paper. 320 00:13:33,846 --> 00:13:37,550 Athlete... broadcaster... 321 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,685 soft drink spokesman. 322 00:13:39,685 --> 00:13:43,746 Who is this great American? Yogi Berra. 323 00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:51,363 Jennifer, I thought I made myself clear on this. 324 00:13:51,363 --> 00:13:52,765 You know Huckleberry Finn 325 00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:54,400 isn't on the approved reading list. 326 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,069 I know, Mr. Flaherty, and I've given it a lot of thought. 327 00:13:57,069 --> 00:13:59,405 And I don't approve of the approved reading list. 328 00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:00,806 Well, neither do I! 329 00:14:00,806 --> 00:14:02,675 But I am a teacher in this school system, 330 00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,577 and I have to abide by those rules. 331 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:07,813 I'm sorry, Mr. Flaherty, but I really feel strongly about this. 332 00:14:07,813 --> 00:14:09,515 Jennifer, if that's the case, 333 00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:12,384 I have no choice but to call Dr. Hewitt. 334 00:14:12,384 --> 00:14:15,487 Oh, no, not Hewitt the Hun. 335 00:14:15,487 --> 00:14:17,478 She's going to find out eventually. 336 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,993 Billy... 337 00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:22,895 MARTIN: Yogi lived his life by his immortal words 338 00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:24,864 ever since he was born... 339 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,398 Go to the principal's office. 340 00:14:26,398 --> 00:14:27,833 What'd I do? 341 00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:29,668 Nothing. 342 00:14:29,668 --> 00:14:31,737 Just go tell Dr. Hewitt I need to see her. 343 00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:33,505 Hewitt the Hun? 344 00:14:33,505 --> 00:14:36,041 Uh, look, I'm sorry, Jen, but I got to do what be says. 345 00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:37,838 I'm failing. 346 00:14:42,681 --> 00:14:45,951 Jennifer... I hate to have to do this. 347 00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:48,921 Uh, you understand the position I'm in. 348 00:14:48,921 --> 00:14:51,891 You always told us to think for ourselves 349 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,993 and to have the courage of our convictions, and if... 350 00:14:53,993 --> 00:14:56,962 and if we really believe in something, then to act on it. 351 00:14:56,962 --> 00:14:59,954 Oh, sure, throw that one up at me. 352 00:15:03,135 --> 00:15:05,204 Have you discussed this with your parents? 353 00:15:05,204 --> 00:15:07,439 Yes, I have, and they support me completely. 354 00:15:07,439 --> 00:15:12,344 Boy, you Keatons are never far from controversy, are you? 355 00:15:12,344 --> 00:15:15,781 I remember when Alex tried to get the school to close 356 00:15:15,781 --> 00:15:18,215 on Ron and Nancy's anniversary. 357 00:15:19,551 --> 00:15:22,621 Oh, yeah, yeah, he-he did stay home that day. 358 00:15:22,621 --> 00:15:25,557 And-and he sent them those beautiful matching jumpsuits. 359 00:15:25,557 --> 00:15:27,548 (both laugh) 360 00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:31,997 I hope you know what you're doing, Jennifer. 361 00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:33,933 This is serious business. 362 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,764 (footsteps approaching) 363 00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:40,673 Good afternoon, Mr. Flaherty. 364 00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,007 Is there a problem? 365 00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:43,409 I'm afraid there is. 366 00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:45,077 Dr. Hewitt, you know Jennifer Keaton. 367 00:15:45,077 --> 00:15:46,912 - Of course. - She's about to do 368 00:15:46,912 --> 00:15:48,781 her book report on Huckleberry Finn. 369 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:51,383 Jennifer, are you aware that district policy 370 00:15:51,383 --> 00:15:54,787 does not allow us to discuss that book in the classroom? 371 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,778 Yes, I am, Dr. Hun. 372 00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:02,393 Dr. Hewitt. Um... 373 00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:09,134 But I don't think it's right. 374 00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:12,071 Well, you are certainly entitled to your opinion, 375 00:16:12,071 --> 00:16:14,640 but as long as you're a student in this school, 376 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,642 you have to abide by school regulations. 377 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:19,311 If you have a problem with a particular policy, 378 00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:21,747 I suggest you take it up with the Board of Education. 379 00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:24,616 Mr. Flaherty, why don't we give Jennifer time 380 00:16:24,616 --> 00:16:26,652 to find another suitable book 381 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,988 and give her report in the near future? 382 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,322 No! 383 00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:32,725 This is the book report I'm going to give. 384 00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:34,326 As Dante once said, 385 00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:36,962 "The hottest places in hell are reserved for those 386 00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:39,430 who, in times of moral crisis, remain neutral." 387 00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:42,167 What does that mean? 388 00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:45,159 I think she's just making conversation. 389 00:16:47,439 --> 00:16:48,907 So, in conclusion, 390 00:16:48,907 --> 00:16:51,010 this is one of the best books I've ever read. 391 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,512 I recommend it to everyone in this class. 392 00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:57,016 And I leave you with this question to ponder. 393 00:16:57,016 --> 00:17:01,020 Is Yogi Berra related to Yogi Bear? 394 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:04,353 And if so, how? 395 00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:13,632 (sighs) 396 00:17:13,632 --> 00:17:16,035 My-my book report is about Huckleberry Finn. 397 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,102 Jennifer! 398 00:17:17,102 --> 00:17:19,271 Written in 1884, 399 00:17:19,271 --> 00:17:21,306 about 20 years after the Civil War ended, 400 00:17:21,306 --> 00:17:24,176 this book is not only the story of a young man's journey 401 00:17:24,176 --> 00:17:26,178 down the Mississippi, but it's also the story 402 00:17:26,178 --> 00:17:29,170 of America's journey from innocence to maturity. 403 00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:44,997 All right, Andy, we're almost finished. 404 00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:47,166 You know, I asked around. 405 00:17:47,166 --> 00:17:49,600 Other brothers don't do this. 406 00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:53,138 Um, well, you're special. 407 00:17:53,138 --> 00:17:57,575 I know, but the thrill is starting to wear off. 408 00:17:59,344 --> 00:18:02,014 Oh, a little tailoring going on, huh? 409 00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:04,616 Yes. We're almost finished. 410 00:18:04,616 --> 00:18:05,918 Uh-huh. 411 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,820 Need any help? 412 00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,621 You can't help. Remember? 413 00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:11,690 Your head's too big. 414 00:18:11,690 --> 00:18:14,693 All right. All right. Just give me this tape measure. 415 00:18:14,693 --> 00:18:15,894 - Oh, Alex... - Just-just a minute. 416 00:18:15,894 --> 00:18:17,196 Just put your finger right there, all right? 417 00:18:17,196 --> 00:18:19,187 - You know what... - Will you? Come on! 418 00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:23,936 Swelled head check, Alex? 419 00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:24,937 All right. All right. 420 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,371 Listen, you guys are my parents. 421 00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:28,307 - Help me out on this one. - (Mallory sighs) 422 00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:30,969 Is my head too big for my body? 423 00:18:32,010 --> 00:18:34,680 A little. 424 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,448 All right. Okay, let me tell you something. 425 00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:37,783 Maybe all of your heads 426 00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:40,185 are just a little too small for your bodies. 427 00:18:40,185 --> 00:18:41,720 Huh? You ever think of that? 428 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:42,955 - Hi. - Hi. 429 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:45,324 - STEVEN: What? - ELYSE: What-what happened? 430 00:18:45,324 --> 00:18:46,992 Did-did you read from your Huck Finn report? 431 00:18:46,992 --> 00:18:48,694 I did it. 432 00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:50,996 We are so proud of you, Jen. 433 00:18:50,996 --> 00:18:52,498 That took a great deal of courage. 434 00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:54,366 And now my only hope is that you have 435 00:18:54,366 --> 00:18:56,034 the tuition money to pay for private school 436 00:18:56,034 --> 00:18:58,737 'cause that's definitely where I'm headed. 437 00:18:58,737 --> 00:19:00,806 Wait. Wait. Wait. Hey, what happened? 438 00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,241 Come on, hey... don't kid around, now. 439 00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:04,943 Private school is expensive. 440 00:19:04,943 --> 00:19:06,445 Well, when Mr. Flaherty found out 441 00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:08,747 that I was doing my report on Huck Finn, 442 00:19:08,747 --> 00:19:10,816 he had to call down to the principal, Dr. Hewitt. 443 00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:12,117 She warned me not to do it. 444 00:19:12,117 --> 00:19:14,987 When I did it anyway, she took my pages away. 445 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:16,221 - She what? - What? 446 00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:17,890 She confiscated your book report? 447 00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:19,892 Yeah. I-I'm not even going to have a chance to be graded. 448 00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:21,793 Not graded? 449 00:19:21,793 --> 00:19:23,784 Jen, you get all the breaks. 450 00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:28,800 Mal, uh, I-I don't... 451 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,702 I don't think you understand the implications of this. 452 00:19:30,702 --> 00:19:32,771 No one should have the right to tell you 453 00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:35,040 what you should or should not read. 454 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:36,475 Yeah, Mal, come on. 455 00:19:36,475 --> 00:19:38,177 How would you like it if someone came 456 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,179 into the Grant College Library and... 457 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,170 took the book out? 458 00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:48,787 Well, I'm sure they had very good reasons 459 00:19:48,787 --> 00:19:50,189 for what they were doing. 460 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,457 Well, Mal, I don't think any of these are good reasons. 461 00:19:52,457 --> 00:19:54,393 Uh, banning The Diary of Anne Frank 462 00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:56,328 because it treated all religions equally? 463 00:19:56,328 --> 00:19:59,631 Banning Mice and Men because of vulgarity? 464 00:19:59,631 --> 00:20:00,866 - Banning Cosmopolitan... - What? 465 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:03,368 Why? 466 00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:05,504 ...Cosmopolitan because it deals explicitly 467 00:20:05,504 --> 00:20:07,005 with sexual issues. 468 00:20:07,005 --> 00:20:08,340 The swine! 469 00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:10,509 Why aren't we doing something about this? 470 00:20:10,509 --> 00:20:12,010 We're going to, Mal. 471 00:20:12,010 --> 00:20:13,946 We're going to call other parents, organize. 472 00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:15,614 We're not going to back down from this. 473 00:20:15,614 --> 00:20:17,516 This is a question of free speech. 474 00:20:17,516 --> 00:20:19,151 The Supreme Court said that. 475 00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:23,589 Well, actually, what the court said... 476 00:20:23,589 --> 00:20:25,857 was that the defendant school board 477 00:20:25,857 --> 00:20:27,593 had violated students' rights in... 478 00:20:27,593 --> 00:20:30,195 in censoring books from the school library. 479 00:20:30,195 --> 00:20:33,165 Thus the question becomes whether the, uh... 480 00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:34,866 the discretion of the school board 481 00:20:34,866 --> 00:20:37,002 to make curricular decisions is impeded in any way 482 00:20:37,002 --> 00:20:38,993 by First Amendment considerations. 483 00:20:40,706 --> 00:20:43,909 I told you, I know everything. 484 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:46,411 Maybe that's why your head's so big. 485 00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:48,606 (phone rings) 486 00:20:50,849 --> 00:20:52,284 Hello. 487 00:20:52,284 --> 00:20:53,619 Oh, hi. 488 00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:55,354 Uh, yes, yes, we're... 489 00:20:55,354 --> 00:20:56,989 we're very proud of her ourselves. 490 00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:58,090 Thank you. 491 00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,921 Uh... well, I'll let her know. 492 00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:02,961 That was, uh, Tricia Willis's father, 493 00:21:02,961 --> 00:21:04,997 just saying he heard what you did in class, 494 00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:08,467 and the Willises are behind it 100%. 495 00:21:08,467 --> 00:21:10,435 Jennifer, you are a regular celebrity. 496 00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:11,837 I'm so proud of you. 497 00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:14,806 Hey, maybe Dad can do one of his boring documentaries on you. 498 00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:18,076 I-I mean "boring" in the... 499 00:21:18,076 --> 00:21:21,273 in the best, most interesting sense of the word. 500 00:21:24,182 --> 00:21:26,418 - Hello, Alex. - Mr. Flaherty. How are you? 501 00:21:26,418 --> 00:21:28,220 I haven't seen you in a long time. 502 00:21:28,220 --> 00:21:30,415 Has your head gotten bigger? 503 00:21:33,692 --> 00:21:36,361 Good to see you, Mr. Flaherty. 504 00:21:36,361 --> 00:21:38,463 - Hello. - Oh, hi, Mr. Flaherty. 505 00:21:38,463 --> 00:21:40,232 We heard what happened this afternoon. 506 00:21:40,232 --> 00:21:42,868 I-I can't begin to tell you how aggravated and upset we are. 507 00:21:42,868 --> 00:21:45,203 I'm not thrilled with the way things went, either. 508 00:21:45,203 --> 00:21:46,705 But I just wanted to tell you 509 00:21:46,705 --> 00:21:48,440 how proud you should be of your daughter. 510 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:50,709 She really handled herself beautifully 511 00:21:50,709 --> 00:21:54,179 in a very difficult, sensitive situation. 512 00:21:54,179 --> 00:21:55,314 Thank you, Mr. Flaherty. 513 00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:56,848 That's good to hear anyway. 514 00:21:56,848 --> 00:21:58,116 I also wanted to tell you 515 00:21:58,116 --> 00:22:00,052 I got your book report back from Dr. Hewitt. 516 00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:01,520 I think it's the finest report 517 00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:04,089 on Huckleberry Finn I've ever read. 518 00:22:04,089 --> 00:22:06,080 (clears throat) 519 00:22:07,392 --> 00:22:08,393 Sorry, Alex. 520 00:22:08,393 --> 00:22:11,029 This was better. 521 00:22:11,029 --> 00:22:13,965 Well, at least it stays in the family. 522 00:22:13,965 --> 00:22:18,870 That's why it really hurts to tell you that... 523 00:22:18,870 --> 00:22:22,040 I have to fail you on the report, Jennifer. 524 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:23,308 Why? 525 00:22:23,308 --> 00:22:26,178 Because, as far as the school board is concerned, 526 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:28,180 Huckleberry Finn doesn't exist. 527 00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:30,082 Yeah, I'm sure Mark Twain would be thrilled to hear that. 528 00:22:30,082 --> 00:22:31,416 FLAHERTY: Technically, 529 00:22:31,416 --> 00:22:33,685 if the book isn't officially recognized, 530 00:22:33,685 --> 00:22:35,676 there's no book report. 531 00:22:37,122 --> 00:22:38,590 I can't believe it. 532 00:22:38,590 --> 00:22:40,192 I'm going to fail. 533 00:22:40,192 --> 00:22:41,693 Hey, hey, hey, listen. 534 00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:43,695 No Keaton has ever failed English. 535 00:22:43,695 --> 00:22:45,686 Well, I... 536 00:22:49,868 --> 00:22:52,371 No more Keatons are going to fail English. 537 00:22:52,371 --> 00:22:56,508 Well, unfortunately, the failing isn't the worst of it. 538 00:22:56,508 --> 00:22:58,844 Dr. Hewitt has said that unless Jennifer 539 00:22:58,844 --> 00:23:00,879 chooses to do another book report 540 00:23:00,879 --> 00:23:03,815 and stops defying the rules of the school, 541 00:23:03,815 --> 00:23:06,051 she's going to be suspended. 542 00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:08,110 Uh... 543 00:23:11,490 --> 00:23:13,458 Well, I'm not backing down. 544 00:23:13,458 --> 00:23:15,153 Okay. 545 00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:49,194 MAN: Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog. 546 00:23:49,194 --> 00:23:50,320 (Ubu barks) 547 00:24:52,500 --> 00:25:00,500